


so traulich und so hold

by monsteruntermbett



Category: Charité | Charité at War (TV)
Genre: Fluff, M/M, Nightmares, POV Second Person, Poetry, on a scale from poetry to prose this is a solid 3.5, or poetry-adjacent
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-04
Updated: 2020-11-04
Packaged: 2021-03-09 01:15:14
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 395
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27386287
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/monsteruntermbett/pseuds/monsteruntermbett
Summary: sometimesit is all you can do to hold himbreathe with him until he falls asleep again
Relationships: Otto Marquardt/Martin Schelling
Comments: 4
Kudos: 13





	so traulich und so hold

**Author's Note:**

> title: [Abendlied by Matthias Claudius](https://www.mumag.de/gedichte/cla_m02.html)

when he wakes up

in the middle of the night

_gasping_ like he forgot how to breathe, like he was drowning in his sleep,

you wrap your arms around him and it is too dark to see but you hear the tears, the _fear_ in his ragged breathing

he _sobs_ as he draws a breath

and another

and another

and you hold him close

let him bury his face against your chest

(and you love him so much you _ache_ with it)

_bad dream?_

the question is always the same and sometimes he nods

sometimes he whispers against your shirt

_i thought i was back on the front_

sometimes

_there was an airstrike and -_

sometimes

_i heard footsteps and they took karin and i couldn't protect her_

sometimes

_i saw - you were -_

and you hold him and rub his back and say

_i'm here_

_it's alright_

_you're safe_

sometimes he doesn't say anything but you tell him all the same because you know what he is afraid of and it's all you can do to be there, warm and breathing and _alive_ , and you know he can hear your heart beat steady behind your ribs and you do not say

_i'm scared, too_

_sometimes i think that -_

_if i lost you, i'd -_

(sometimes, when you're on night shift and roll up bandages, clean out syringes, do all the small tasks that keep your hands occupied but leave your mind free to wander, you think about him in the attic, alone, and you wonder if he wakes up without you there and you hope he doesn't and you hope he sleeps undisturbed)

(sometimes, when you come to see him in the mornings the circles under his eyes look like bruises and when you hug him he clings to you as if you might disappear if he doesn't hold on tight)

(he smiles at you, always, always, always even when it is so frayed around the edges you're scared it might unravel right off his face)

(but you smile back and do not say

_you don't need to be brave for me_

because you know bravery is all he has left)

but when you're there

and the night is as quiet as it ever gets

and although you can't see them, the stars are bright

you kiss his hair, his forehead

and you hold him until dawn.

**Author's Note:**

> Look, _someone_ in this fandom has to write the artsy, pretentious stuff. Thank you for reading :)
> 
> Feel free to let me know what you think or come say hi on [tumblr](https://bookshelfdreams.tumblr.com/)!


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